The Reflection Filter

A quick EQ framework to shift from judgment to understanding.

When someone’s behavior triggers you, your mind moves fast: assumptions, labels, conclusions.
But what if your first reaction isn’t the full truth?

The Reflection Filter helps emotionally intelligent leaders pause, reflect, and lead with empathy – not ego.

Use this 4-question framework when frustration, confusion, or tension strikes. It takes less than a minute, and it will reshape how you respond to your team, your peers, and even yourself.

🧠 What happened, vs. what I felt happened?

Separate facts from feelings. Don’t assume intention – clarify action.
“Did they miss a deadline… or did I feel disrespected?”

🔄 Have I done something similar in the past?

This isn’t about letting people off the hook – it’s about remembering your own humanness.
If you’ve been late, reactive, distracted, or unclear… then you’ve been them.
That memory creates space for understanding.

🫱 What’s one question I could ask instead of assuming?

Curiosity defuses tension.
Try:

• “How are you seeing this situation?”
• “What else might be affecting things right now?”
  Questions invite truth. Assumptions shut it down.

🧭 Am I reacting to them, or to my own expectations?

Sometimes we’re not upset with them – we’re upset with what we expected.
Maybe they moved slower than you would.
Maybe they spoke more emotionally than you do.
That doesn’t make them wrong – it makes them different.

⚙️ When to Use It

• During frustrating meetings
• Right before difficult feedback
• After a surprising reaction from a teammate
• Anytime you catch yourself judging too fast

📥 Downloadable Version

Want this as a printable worksheet?